Pastors can struggle in many areas of their lives – leadership, time management, shepherding God’s people. One area that is often overlooked, but can become a battlefield for pastoral ministry, is simply the asking and receiving of help.

Many people have something to offer you. But they will only offer if you ask.

I remember a conversation with my pastor when I was 17 years old. He told me that he could not do all he wanted to do alone – ministry is a team sport! Since then I have encountered pastors who think that they have to be able to do everything on their own in order to be a good pastor. This is ridiculous and I hope this article is a relief for you, since you do not need to think or act this way!

Here’s why:

The Recipient Doesn’t Know What You Need

There are some people who know what other people need before those people do themselves. But this isn’t the case in most situations. And even if you let someone know what they could do for you, it doesn’t mean they have the resources to actually do them. Perhaps you need a grant proposal written for your church to win a grant; but the person you approach is not knowledgeable about grant writing.

When I was at Bible college, one of the subjects we studied was fundraising. The lecturer had a rule: ‘Never say “no” or “can’t”. Say, “Maybe next time”, “Maybe later”, or “Just see what you can do”.’ In a similar vein, some recipients might tell you ‘yes’ simply because they don’t really understand what you need. Maybe they think they can just click a button, flick a switch, or snap their fingers and there will be an instant result.

In the end, this may create additional work for you, if you have to explain what you needed in the first place. On top of that, the recipient may want to meet expectations, but they just can’t. That can put undue pressure on both you and the person trying to help.

This is especially pertinent to young pastors with newer congregations. Churches who are smaller or younger may need people to be fully transparent regarding their needs. Otherwise, the church may burn itself out and die. In such cases, being transparent does require more vulnerability. However, the long-term benefit is often greater than the short-term cost!

They Don’t Even Realise You Need It

Even if a person knows what you need, they may not realise you need it. They may be so busy doing their own thing that they forget about the situation you are currently experiencing. Or perhaps they aren’t as observant as they could be. Either way, it is crucial for you to ask for what you need, in order to allow them to share and give.

For example, I once had to chase up another pastor to give me a parking ticket for parking my car on his church parking lot. We were planning to visit churches in Sydney. We planned to park our van (which was already nearly paid off) at one of our visits, since we would be staying at a relative’s house. The pastor later explained it wasn’t his problem to fix, but his faulty memory did end up biting him – I had to charge him back for the cost!

Nobody Wants to Ask for Help

Asking for help in the Christian community often involves admitting weakness. And acknowledging weakness is not a popular thing among many Christians! It is seen as a bad sign, a show of incompetence, or of spiritual immaturity (which it definitely is, in the wrong context).

That said, there are other cultural barriers which impact an individual asking for help. In Australian society, we are generally taught to be independent in order to succeed (and hence, live the ‘Australian dream’); however, we are also taught that no man is an island. This teaches us to achieve in isolation by being resourceful. However, this philosophy also communicates that we should ask for help when necessary in order to grow and produce better outcomes. So we are taught that nobody wants to ask for help, yet we are also encouraged to ask for help where necessary. Such seeming contradictions can cause great confusion for anyone who wants to seek help.

Finally, Christians are warned by Jesus to ‘only’ go to friends or allies to ask for help (Luke 6:27-36). This is fine advice and will work in many cases. However, we must also consider that Christians ought to be much more generous in other circumstances, when the same people may not be as willing to give the same to others. Plus, there are so many people who are not known to you, but can be hugely helpful to your cause. Trying to get some help from them can also result in fruitful conversations, new friendships, and new opportunities to give yourself, too.

So do not be ashamed to ask for what you need. Feel free to encourage others to join hands in your endeavours with you, too!

Conclusion

There are several reasons for asking for help. I touched on only few of them here. Do you have another reason? Do you have any questions? Please feel free to discuss down below.